The Cost of Comparing

Have you ever looked at someone else and wished you could have their life or a part of it? You know, that well-rested, put-together woman who has the body you've been trying and failing to have for the last 10 years, who peacefully grocery shops with her young, happy, obedient children with patience and a smile. Just look at her. She must have a perfect life. *sighs*

I've often felt like I'm failing at life when I look at social media and see how amazing the lives of many of the people I went to high school are. Some have high-profile jobs and are clearly making a ton of money. Others are in movies or bands and doing all kinds of really cool stuff. Some have huge homes and fancy cars, enormous swimming pools with rock waterfalls, and a constant tan. Then there are the ones who have the very best marriage with the happiest, smartest, funniest kids who are also at the top of their class and the captain of all the sports teams. They go on amazing vacations several times a year, and their whole family can't stop smiling; their dog is perfectly groomed, they have a beautiful home, and they live nothing but a charmed life. Do you have people like this on your Facebook feed too?

I remember how I used to feel a mixture of envy and disappointment about my own life when I'd see posts from the above people on social media or if I ran into one of them somewhere. There are days that my life feels like a trainwreck. How do these people do it? And more importantly, what am I doing wrong? I knew, logically, that people always put their best life on social media and don't normally show the ugly parts. But that didn't change how I felt when I saw the pictures of a woman my age running her second marathon this month while my chubby ass gets winded just walking up the stairs in my house. Enter shame spiral.

Then one day, I learned that the woman with the charmed life, amazing marriage, incredible kids, groomed dog, etc., was actually broke, in horrible debt, and was constantly borrowing money from her father to maintain their lifestyle. What?? And as bad as it to say, if I'm truly honest, my first thought (besides shock) was one of relief. Somehow, I wanted to celebrate the fact that not only I sucked, but we sucked. I wasn't the only one struggling in life; she was too! She was just really good at hiding it. The feelings I would rather tell you I had would be empathy and compassion for this woman but instead, comparing myself to her left me feeling better knowing she was less happy. What kind of monster was I? Unfortunately and fortunately, this is a super-normal response.

The highest cost of comparison, though, is that in addition to leaving you feeling resentful at the people with "better lives than yours," comparing yourself to others robs you of seeing and recognizing how awesome your own life really is. If you're too busy keeping a tally of what you don't have in life, how in the world can you be grateful for what you do have? And gratitude is a slippery-slope of awesomeness that can help you change your whole perspective about life. Trust me; you don't want to miss out on that!

I've since learned about some struggles going on for some other people whose lives appear perfect, making them seem far less mythological in their happiness and a lot more normal and relatable. They could just choose to focus on the positive things in their lives and post to social media accordingly. Who knows! Thankfully, though, I'm now able to feel compassion for those people because I've learned that we all struggle with things, we all have circumstances we aren't proud of, and we all feel like we're failing sometimes. I also now believe that a "perfect life" includes the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly, and nobody gets to live one without all of those things. Nobody.

When you see an amazing moment in someone's life, you see exactly that; an amazing moment in someone's life. That's it. They might have a lot of those moments, but just like you, they have struggles too. So instead of comparing your life to theirs, be happy for them that in the midst of whatever struggles they might have (because big or small, they have some), they get to have this amazing moment also. And then let yourself off the hook for living a different life than someone and focus on the amazing parts of your own life, because big or small, you have them.

So today, I challenge you not to compare yourself to anyone for the rest of the week. For real, try it! The moment you begin to feel envy tell yourself, "Stop. This isn't the full story." and remind yourself that this is a moment in someone's life, and there's a whole story you're not seeing. Even if it's someone you know, you likely don't know everything. And then, mentally list off 5 things you love about or are grateful about in your own life. Try this for the rest of the week and see how you feel! And let me know in the comments or at hello@greatlovellc.com how it went!