What Loving Yourself Can Look Like

Self-love. Now there's an overused cliché, am I right? When you hear the term "self-love," what kinds of things come to mind? Soaking in a hot, bubbly bath with candles burning and soft music soothing away all your stress and worry? How about an hour-long massage or a day at the spa? Maybe a shopping day with your BFF, and going to a fancy lunch. For some, it might be plowing through a pint of Ben & Jerry's in 30 minutes (I can get it done in 20 because I'm an expert). Even though all of these things are great gifts to give yourself (except your ass and double-chin might not love that last one), I've come to believe that that's all things like these are. Gifts. And gifts don't always mean love. So what might true self-love look like if not the cultural term we've come to know?

I believe that self-love looks a lot more like becoming someone who stops putting up with so much crap in her life. I think it looks like allowing yourself to speak up when you're being wronged instead of biting your tongue and playing nice for the sake of keeping the peace. It means no longer being a doormat for people who have gotten used to taking advantage of your kindness and your desire to give to the people you love. I think it looks like taking back some of what you've lost over the years.

You always hear older women ('60s, '70s, and 80's) talking about how much they stop worrying about so many things as they age and how they start appreciating what really matters much more than they did when they were younger. I think that this must be one of life's gifts for living a long life. You get to stop with all the petty bullshit, love even deeper, and know exactly who you are. These women don't care what they look like in a swimsuit; they care about enjoying the water and sunshine. They don't care about sagging skin or smile lines; they just keep smiling and laughing. They wear what they want, they do what they want, and they don't feel the need to apologize to anyone for who they are. To me, this looks exactly like self-love. These women are often some of the kindest people you know, and at the same time, they've stopped putting up with all of the crap. I love it!

I'm in my mid-forties, but I can tell you that I feel a thousand times wiser than I felt in my 20's or 30's. I don't know what happens at the forty-year-mark, but for me, it was like a veil was lifted, and I could see life so much clearer. I think loss can also do this, and I lost my mom just a few years before I turned 40, so I think that gave me a more profound sense of this "wisdom." I appreciate it so much.

Mimicking the natural wisdom that comes with age might not be easy or have the same result as the real thing, but I believe all women of any age can take a page from these much wiser women's books. We can begin adopting some of these same principles into our own lives by showing ourselves some of the same kindness and love and begin adopting a much smaller tolerance for bullshit. We can start acting like we matter and expecting that same treatment from the people in our lives. Doesn't that sound awesome?

Take some time today to identify areas where you don't love yourself well. This could be something like always putting yourself and your needs/wants last, letting people speak to you in a way that isn't ok with you, worrying about what others think of you, judging yourself for how you look, or for not doing what you think you should be doing in your life. It could be anything. Now ask yourself what a woman in her 70's would say about those things. I do this pretty often, and it's always my mom's voice I hear (she'd be in her 70's now, although she gave very few shits in her 60's). There's a reason why these things don't matter to older women. It's because, in the grand scheme of life, there are way more important and enjoyable things to spend time focusing on, and they've learned that! What an incredible feeling to free yourself from so many hurtful, crappy things in life and focus on the people, the joy, the laughter, and the self-acceptance instead. If I can take any of that wisdom and apply it to my life now, imagine how much more enjoyable life could be! That would be a life full of REAL self-love.

I'd love to know what you have changed or would like to change in your life to show yourself this kind of self-love. Comment below or email me at hello@greatlovellc.com and let me know! If you'd love to have help making these kinds of changes in your life so that you can show up for yourself and in your relationships as the best version of yourself, feel free to book a complimentary coaching session with me here.